


It All Changes Now

by StingerOfDain



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Pain, Grief/Mourning, Kind Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), King Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), M/M, Marriage, Mute Merlin (Merlin), Nature Magic, Protective Arthur, Slow Dancing, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:20:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26708125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StingerOfDain/pseuds/StingerOfDain
Summary: 10 years after Arthur learns about Merlin's magic everything is going smoothly. Arthur became the king Merlin always knew he would be. But all is not well. Merlin's magic is too much for his body to handle. As time goes by his body starts to shut down. Merlin has accepted his fate and just wishes everyone else would too. His only regret is leaving Arthur behind to rule Camalot by himself.Arthur can't believe this is happening.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

Merlin sighs as he carefully shuts the door to Arthur's and Merlin's shared room. He can't sleep...again. It's not really a surprise anymore when Merlin wakes up drenched in sweat and with a pounding headache. It's more annoying, bordering on obnoxious. Merlin thinks he has maybe gotten a total of 10 hours of sleep in the last week.

As he carefully steps outside to one of the many balconies the castle has, he takes a deep breath of fresh air. The air helps significantly and he can feel his headache slip away. He lets his thoughts drift as he looks up at the sky and watches the midnight stars.

He knows Arthur is worried. As much as Merlin tries to hide how little sleep he is getting he knows it's not enough. He catches Arthur watching him with concern constantly. There really is nothing to worry about. Sure he's a little clumsier than usual...and maybe he falls asleep at random times throughout the day but he's fine. He's just stressed out about the Court Sorcerer thing or something...

As much as Merlin tells himself this over and over again...he still can't help but have this gut feeling that something is wrong. His magic feels...off. Like he's too small for it. Like it wants to burst free and escape. He can feel it pushing against his skin and crawling in his veins. While it was once a pleasant feeling, it now borders on painful.

Merlin startles as hears the door behind him open. Spinning around he sees Arthur leaning against the door with the usual look of concern on his face. It's not a good look...

Merlin pastes a smile on his face, "Arthur, can I help you?"

Arthur is not fooled. He raises an eyebrow and gestures at their surroundings. "What the bloody hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night?"

Merlin rolls his eyes, "Stargazing. You should try it sometime, it can be quite soothing to the soul."

"Uh huh," Arthur says sarcastically as he pushes off the door and stalks towards Merlin.

Merlin turns around to avoid Arthur's gaze. He should of known that wouldn't work when Arthur grabbed him by his upper arm and gently but firmly turned him around to face him. Merlin steadfastly avoided his gaze by staring at Arthur's feet like they were the most interesting things in the world. He felt fingers under his chin pulling up to make him meet Arthur's gaze. Concerned blue eyes were flicking between both of his.

"What's going on Merlin?" Arthur asks. "You've been distant for weeks now and you don't seem well."

Merlin pushes away from Arthur and walks towards the door. "I'm fine, Arthur. Don't worry about me."

Arthur rushes after Merlin and grabs his arm, swinging him around to face him again. Anger and something like fear clouding his features.

"Don't lie to me Merlin, not again."

Merlin's breath catches in his throat...even though it's been almost ten years since Arthur learned the truth about his magic he knows Arthur still worries about being lied to. Understandably.

Merlin grabs Arthur's hands off of his arms and gently holds them.

"I'm just tired...I haven't been sleeping all that well lately."

Arthur squeezes Merlin's hands in his bigger ones, a silent encouragment to keep going.

Merlin sighs, "I honestly have no idea why Arthur, but I'm fine. Now leave it be."

Arthur doesn't look convinced but after a second of consideration nods anyways.

"Well, let's go back to bed then shall we? You need sleep." Arthur says.

When Merlin nods Arthur leads them both back to their shared chambers. After shutting the door Arthur lays back down on the bed and pats the spot next to him. Merlin smiles tentatively and eases himself next to Arthur. After a minute Merlin feels Arthur wrap his arms around his waist and pull his back against Arthur's chest.

"I love you Merlin." Merlin hears Arthur whisper in his ear gently.

"I love you too." Merlin whispers back in the dark.

After a few minutes Merlin can hear and feel Arthur start snoring against the back of neck. You would think this would be uncomfortable and would greatly hinder the falling asleep process, but for Merline this was calming. Soon enough Merlin could feel himself drifting off to sleep, and as he did he had hope that everything would be ok.

\------------------------------------------------


	2. Chapter 2

Merlin’s next conscious thought is how warm and comfortable he is and how he should never move again. And that seems to be the plan until the warmth that was pressed up against back slowly starts shifting. Merlin sighs and turns over to greet the day...and his significant other. 

“Good morning Arthur.” 

Arthur’s only response is a grunt and to throw the nearest pillow over his face. Merlin can’t help the smirk that spreads across his face as he carefully sits up. He slowly rises above Arthur to his knees and suddenly throws himself on top of the pillow on Arthur’s face. Arthur, of course, immediately starts struggling and grasping for the nearest part of Merlin’s body. After struggling for a minute, he manages to grab an arm and tosses Merlin off of him, throwing the pillow to side and gasping for air with a pointed look of annoyance at Merlin.

Merlin bursts into laughter at the sight of Arthur’s face. 

Arthur scowls and mutters, “You know trying to kill your king could be considered treason, right?” 

“Oh, I’m so sorry sire. I didn’t realize a pillow could be such a threat to your continued wellbeing.” Merlin says in between laughs.

“Shut up Merlin!” 

Now to any outsider this kind of interaction wouldn’t exactly scream affection...but this was Arthur and Merlin’s love language. Even after their relationship status changed their interactions remained the same. Even the seemingly mean comments.

But anyone with eyes, or even just ears could tell from a mile away just how much the King and his Sorcerer love each other.

It all changed after Arthur found out about Merlin’s magic. 

————————————

_ “Arthur wait!” Merlin yelled after Arthur.  _

_ Arthur did not stop. Did not even look back, he couldn’t....his best friend in the entire world lied to him. Lied to him for years.  _

_ Arthur jumped on his horse and with one last look at Merlin urged his horse forwards.  _

_ As Merlin’s yelling faded into the distance, so did his anger. Sadness taking it’s place in his heart.  _

_ A twinge of pain in Arthur’s arm brought him back to the present. Looking down at his arm he found a steadily bleeding wound. Blood dropped off the ends of his fingers where he gripped the reins.  _

_ Arthur grabbed his cloak and started ripping strips to wrap up his injury. At least as well as he could while on a moving object.  _

_ How could Merlin lie to him?  _

—————————————-

Arthur’s face softens as he watches Merlin laugh. 

“You’re such an idiot Merlin.” Arthur says.

“But I’m your idiot, right?”

“Yeah. My idiot.” Arthur replies softly. 

Merlin and Arthur stare softly into each other's eyes for a long moment before it’s broken by a knock on the door.

“Just leave it Merlin.” 

“Not a chance sire.” Merlin says as he throws on his clothes and gets up to answer the door.

Arthur sighs melodramatically as he flops back onto the bed. Arthur knows he has responsibilities...but if it was up to him, he would spend the rest of his life just lying in bed...with Merlin of course. 

However, it is not meant to be. Merlin opens the door to George standing outside, tapping his foot impatiently. As soon as he sees Merlin he straightens and asks, "Is sire nearly ready?" 

With a pointed look back inside the room, he replies, "Arthur will be there momentarily." 

George nods and turns around to walk back the way he came. 

The tone in Merlin's voice gets Arthur moving, not happily, but at least moving. Arthur throws on his favorite red tunic and his cloak. He starts to walk towards the door when he hears Merlin's voice stop him.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

Arthur turns back around with a questioning look.

"I don't believe so," Arthur answers. 

Merlin rolls his eyes and smiles fondly. He walks over to the cupboard and opens it, pulling out Arthur's crown. Returning to Arthur he reaches up to place the crown on Arthur's head, carefully straightening it and brushing off a fleck of dust. 

"There we go," Merlin says softly. "Now you look like a true king."

One of the many things Merlin loves about Arthur is how his whole face lights up when he smiles. How when Arthur smiles it feels like the world shines as golden as his hair, as golden as his own eyes when he uses his magic. The only thing more special than that smile is when it is aimed at him, like it is now. 

Merlin suddenly feels himself enveloped in strong arms, Arthur's face hidden against the side of his neck. After a second Merlin lays his head on Arthur's shoulder and hugs back. Even though it's been almost ten years since this part of their relationship evolved, it still throws Merlin off sometimes by how tactile Arthur can be. 

"Later, we are going to talk." Arthur whispers in his ear. 

Merlin barely suppresses a groan but nods his head against Arthur's shoulder as a reply. 

After a few more seconds Arthur releases Merlin and presses a quick kiss to his forehead.

Reaching for Merlin's hand, Arthur says, "Well, let's go Court Sorcerer." 

Merlin nods and allows Arthur to lead them through the castle and to the courtroom where they will deal with the day's activities. While Arthur deals with a majority of the kingdoms major issues and requests, Merlin takes care of the magical concerns. 

The day starts off pretty typical with property settlements and wealth and food distributions. With a couple odd requests about magic thrown in to keep things interesting. 

In fact, nothing that weird happened that was noticeable to anyone other than Merlin, and that was because it was all happening inside of him...literally. 

Everything was going fine until all of a sudden Merlin noticed that his head felt kind of funny. Not really aching, just weird. 

Merlin looks next to him at Arthur to see if he noticed the extremely annoying high pitch ringing that started suddenly. Or the fact that the room was starting to swim quite violently. 

Merlin grips the sides of seats to keep from falling over. He sees Arthur pause conversation with a subject to glance at him worriedly. Merlin shakes his head and immediately regrets it as the room dips and swirls again. 

He carefully leans his head against the back of the chair to try and steady the room, which proves to be a futile effort as the room continues to spin. The sound of Arthur's voice starts to fade into the background as a burning feeling becomes more prominent under his skin. The burning becomes more intense until all Merlin wants is to peel his skin off to make it stop. A combination between the pain and the spinning causes his stomach to flip flop until finally, Merlin knows he is going to throw up, it's just a matter of when. 

When turns out to be now when Merlin feels the nausea reach its peak. He jumps up from his chair and runs to the nearest bowl like object, dropping to his knees when he reaches it. Unfortunately, that happens to be some poor bastard’s goblet. Merlin vaguely processes a hand gently rubbing between his shoulder blades as he empties his stomach. He hears Arthur demand everyone to leave. 

After a minute or so the nausea fades and Merlin slowly falls back to relax against a strong chest. He feels a hand stroke through his hair which had gotten sweaty during the entire ordeal. 

As if throwing up wasn't bad enough, the burning feeling under Merlin's skin starts to get more intense. Merlin starts to breathe heavier and faster as the pain under his skin becomes so intense it could be compared to being lit on fire. 

"Merlin! What's going on? What's wrong?" Arthur asks with a hint of panic in his voice. "Answer me, Merlin!" 

Merlin means to say something reassuring but what comes out instead is, "Hurts..." 

"What hurts?" Arthur demands, grabbing Merlin's hand and squeezing it. 

"Everywhere..." Merlin mutters weakly. He hears Arthur yell for someone to get Gaius. 

"It's alright Merlin. I'm right here. I've got you." Merlin hears Arthur whisper in his ear. "Gaius is on his way." 

Merlin shakes his head since he seems to have lost the breath to speak. He doesn’t need Gaius. He’s fine. The pain is already starting to fade...he just hasn’t gotten enough sleep lately. That’s all. 

“Yes Merlin! You can barely speak, you're in so much pain. Gaius is looking you over and that is final!” 

With his newly caught breath Merlin whispers, “I’m fine Arthur, I must have just caught something. I just need a little sleep and I’ll be fine. Ok?” 

Arthur doesn’t look convinced but his grip does loosen slightly on his hand. 

Before either one of them has a chance to say anything else Gaius barges in through the door with a bag in one hand. He takes one quick look around before rushing over to where Arthur is still clutching Merlin in his arms. 

“What’s happened sire?” Gaius asks with concern.

“Nothing I’m fi-“ Merlin starts before he's cut off by Arthur with a look that demands silence.

“He's not fine. He just suddenly collapsed and became sick!” Arthur insists. “Actually he hasn’t seemed well for a couple weeks now.” 

Gaius frowns and opens his bag, pulling out several tools to look Merlin over. 

“I’m going to need you to release his hand Arthur.” Gaius says with a knowing smile.

Arthur blushes and releases Merlin’s hand. 

After taking Merlin’s pulse Gaius raises his hand to Merlin’s forehead with a nod. 

“You do feel quite warm, my boy.” 

“I’m fine Gaius. I’m just a bit under the weather because I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I'll take a nice long nap and be fine in a couple hours.” 

Gaius frowns, “Why haven’t you been sleeping Merlin?” 

"I don't know! Sometimes people have a hard time sleeping. I'm fine!" Merlin's chest rises and falls rapidly. 

Arthur and Gaius share a look. 

Gaius sighs, "Alright Merlin, but you are going to spend at least a couple days in bed and then a couple more after that taking it easy. Do you understand?"

Merlin rolls his eyes and nods. 

"Alright then, I'll leave you in Arthur's capable hands," Gaius says as he gathers his things. "Bring him right to bed Arthur and let me know if anything changes."

"I most definitely will." Arthur says while giving Merlin a look that was not to be argued with.

After Gaius leaves the room, Arthur immediately helps Merlin to his feet with a gentle hand underneath his forearm. Merlin tries to shrug him off but Arthur just puts an arm around Merlin's waist instead. 

"Let's go Merlin. You heard Gaius, you aren't getting out of bed for a couple days at least." Arthur says as he leads Merlin towards their chambers.

"But-" Merlin starts.

"No buts. The kingdom will survive without you for a couple days. You need to rest." Arthur insists gently. 

Merlin appears to give up and allows himself to be led back to their chambers. Arthur gently pushes open the door and helps Merlin over to the bed. After a moment Merlin sighs and lies down, curling up into a ball and looking up at Arthur with a pitiful look on his face. 

Rather than Arthur feeling bad like Merlin expected, he was quite surprised to see an amused look form on Arthur's face.

Arthur must of see the offense in his eyes because he laughed and reached out to gently stroke Merlin's cheek.

"Don't look so sad Merlin. It's only for a couple days and it might be nice to have a little time to yourself."

Merlin could see it being nice to just relax for once.

"I suppose you're right Arthur." 

"Aren't I always?" Arthur asks cheekily.

Merlin laughs softly as his eyes start to fall shut. 

"You wish." 

Arthur's face softens and he leans in to kiss Merlin before he falls asleep.

"Get some rest love." 

The last thing Merlin remembers is golden hair surrounded by sunlight and an uncomfortable burning feeling just under his skin.

\-------------------------------

_ "Arthur wait!" Merlin yells as Arthur jumps on his horse and rode away.  _

_ Merlin knew it was no use. Arthur wasn't going to stop or listen to anything he had to say. Why would he? He lied to him. For years.  _

_ And honestly Merlin never planned on telling Arthur about his magic. Things were so comfortable the way they were and Merlin knew that Arthur would never accept it. It was unlikely that Arthur would actually execute him, but he knew that the young king would most definitely never speak to him again. And Merlin knew he was selfish but he just couldn't accept that. He loved Arthur too much. _

_ And Arthur probably would have never known if it weren't for... _

_ Merlin sighed as he picked himself up off the ground. He looked around for a patch of grass that wasn't incinerated and wiped blood off of his hands and onto the grass. Trying not to gag at the sight, he got up and looked in the direction that Arthur went and grimaced. _

_ It was going to be a long walk back... _

_ \------------------------- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> Here's chapter 2 as promised. This chapter came along much faster than I thought it would. It's also a little longer! 
> 
> I'll try and have chapter 3 soon!
> 
> Enjoy!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> This is my first fic after being a fanfiction addict since 2017. Sorry this chapter is so short, college life is crazy!
> 
> I'll try and have a longer chapter out soon!
> 
> Enjoy!


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